Mea Culpa

I'm un-giving up venting for lent. Venting is hereby welcome in my life again. I have a new lenten discipline... something I'm consciously giving up, something I rely on, something that it will sharpen my character considerably to do without.

For the rest of the 40 days, I'm giving up making excuses. And it sucks.

Yesterday I actually caught myself thinking up ways to get out of paying a parking ticket that I clearly deserved. I was parked in a two-hour zone for two hours and twenty minutes. Now, in the grand scheme of life it was not a brazen crime, jeopardizing small children or threatening the elderly. I did nothing that would cause the country to go on Orange Alert. But I still broke the law. And even when I recognized that, I continued to come up with 49 excuses (OK, so they were all LIES) that I could have submitted with my ticket instead of paying forty bucks that I would rather spend on something else, like a car that actually starts more than half the time and always breaks down on Friday evenings as soon as all the mechanics close.

But the fact is, once again, that I broke the law. And not only is it a law that I happen to agree with (otherwise I would never be able to find a parking spot within 5 miles of work), but I also happen to appreciate that there are police in Oakland and that the revenue from my parking ticket may go to support other things they do for me, like keep me (relatively) safe from drive-by shootings and, well.... more drive-by shootings.

So for the rest of this 40-day period, until the day we celebrate that Jesus rose from the dead to offer us grace in the face of our excuses, I'm admitting that it's always my fault I'm late - not the washing machine, or my car, or the guy in front of me on 14th. It's my fault that I got an "F" at Laney Community College for forgetting to drop a class that I stopped going to. It's my fault I'm stressed out and snapping at people lately. It's my fault that years' worth of birthday and wedding presents are still sitting on my bedroom floor waiting to be mailed (I ran out of excuses on that one looooooong ago). And I'm embarrassed to say it but this will be the first time I've paid a parking ticket, admitting it's MY FAULT that I parked where I wasn't supposed to (and not tried to blame it on the sign, the cop, the meter, etc).

That's 40 bucks to the city of Oakland, which works out to one dollar for each day of my lenten discipline of Mea Culpa.